School and Stuff

I have started school again now. It's a little bit lame. But it brings me all sorts of things to blog about! I really don't think that outweighs all the cons, but...look on the bright side, right?

Anyway, I actually have one class that I think will be really cool. It's Reader's Workshop, where we're going to read books in different genres and talk about the elements of the genres and stuff. The first one is Adventure...the book I'm reading isn't so good, though. I wanted a book about pirates, but the only one in the library is Angel's Command, which I would probably like if I was twelve years old...but...what can you do? The characters are pretty flat (and the talking dog is really annoying), but it's not long, so it shouldn't be difficult to get through. And then we're doing scifi! I'm going to read Ender's Game (which I bought for like $2!), which I'm pretty excited about. And we're also going to read graphic novels! And manga is allowed! I have wanted to read manga for a long time, and now I have a reason to! Yaaay! I'm going to read Code Geass. I read some fanfic for it once. Sometimes I do that. Read fanfics I don't know anything about. Yeah. But it looks really sweet, and I'm super excited.

This also brings to mind something else about school...my regular English class..."English 11." (It's really American Lit.) My teacher has decided that she wants to make us look at historical events from voices that weren't heard. Like the Arawaks! Did you know that Colombus enslaved and murdered a bunch of natives in the West Indies? And he apparently took the reward for seeing land first when someone else was the one who actually saw it first and told a bunch of lies to the king and queen of Spain. I'm utterly disappointed in him. But that's not exactly what I want to talk about...

I feel like some people are so interested in minorities that it becomes a crime to not be a minority. For example, in my English class, we also read these two poems, "I Hear America Singing" and "I, Too, Sing America." The first is by Walt Whitman who is celebrating the working class Americans and all the effort they put forth. And I think that's great, you know? Celebrating the life you know. But then, Langston Hughes in "I, Too, Sing America" seems to be very...sarcastic and mocking about the whole thing. Maybe he didn't intend to be, but with the way we're reading them together, it certainly seems that way. He says that he is "the darker brother" sent to "eat in the kitchen when company comes" but he eats well and grows strong. Tomorrow he'll be at the table and no one will dare tell him otherwise, and they'll see how beautiful he is and be ashamed, because he, too, is America. All right. Good for him. But is there something wrong with Whitman being proud of what he is, too? I don't think so! But I feel like it's seen that way a lot.

I guess what it comes down to is whether its wrong to not look at the whole picture. Must we all be concerned with everyone who is unlike ourselves, or is it all right to focus on our own people groups? I guess what I think is that you should be informed about all sides of things. You should try to be unbiased and find out what other people went through. But I also think you don't have to be a genius about it all. I don't really even think you have to be all that interested in. If you want to focus on your own type of people, I think that's fine, great even! You have that right. Everyone has that right. African Americans, Hispanics, and Caucasians. (And Asians and Indians and Eskimos and everyone else)

So, aside from all that awful thinking going on, there's also the social aspect of school to consider. And I have to admit, I fail at the social aspects. (Yes, expect some dreadful angst here. You might even want to skip this whole part.) I'm kind one of those Girl Who Never Talks stereotypes. I hate that, you know? You're so much more than your stereotype, but everyone molds into their stereotypes, myself included. Now I feel like it would be sort of unprecedented for me to be loud and obnoxious, though sometimes I want to. But not really, because I don't really have anything to say...I don't know what it is, exactly, but I feel like at school I really just...don't have a clue what to say to anyone. Sometimes I think it's just a difference of interests, sometimes I think I've just gotten so much in the habit of not talking that I don't know how to start. I suppose it's somewhat of both and others things, probably.

Anyway, it's sort of dreadful, because sometimes I don't feel like I have any friends. But I do have friends. Not super duper close friends, but pretty good friends, and I try to manage to not be entirely silent around them. I'm a bit sad, because a lot of my guy friends...or...the guys that I enjoy being around more than the others (I still don't really talk to them a whole lot) are not in many of classes anymore. It makes me very sad. They are some spiffy dudes. Not like nice, gallant gentleman, but they're sarcastic, which makes them entertaining to be around, and smart, which makes them good to be around in difficult classes, and I get the feeling they respect me, for my intelligence (4.0 -dances-) and not being annoying and/or skanky.

Annd, on the subject of guys, I think that (a) I am a fickle woman, and (b) I actually have a rather healthy crush at the moment...if crushes can be healthy, that is. As for the former, this is because I...really am. I like a guy. Then I don't. Then I do. I think I decided that this is because I hold on to vague crushes for much longer than I should. I might still like all the guys I've liked for ten years, but in very small amounts. But then occasionally, my feelings resurface, and for a day or two, I'll really like them again. But then it passes. Now, though, I mainly like one guy...sort of one of my vague crushes, only it has lasted longer than a day! But not in a bad way. It is a healthy crush because: I am not obsessed with him. I don't spend all my time dreaming about him, and I don't have any illusions about our relationship. He doesn't have any feelings for me beyond friendship and a vague one at that. I don't have any feelings that we have some special secret looks or interactions. There is nothing between us. I just like being around him. And it's great.

Except that I'm a little bit jealous. Don't worry, he doesn't have a girlfriend. But there is a girl, let's call her Jane, and she talks to him more than I do. Which is fine. I don't really have a problem with that; I'm not a crazy possessive girl, I promise. It's just...Jane is the sort of girl everyone wants to be. Not because she's gorgeous and popular--it's not that sort of stereotype--it's that she's quirky and confident, and she talks to all the teachers and sits with a table of pretty much all guys at lunch, and she's just really...actually, I don't know. I'm not good at describing people.

Anyway, I try not to be too jealous. It's difficult sometimes, because she sort of has the high school life I always wanted to have, but really I know I'm much happier being me. I like the way I think. ...That sounded kind of weird, but it's true. I like the way I overanalyze things and make strange comparisons to literature and random fandoms and am good at writing and a heap of other things. And I like Jane being the way she is. We're sort of friends. We're both in drama and things like that, and we get along. But, you know, sometimes that teenage angst just bleeds through.